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You showed me how

December 6, 2010
By Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
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Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck<br /> <br /> In three words i can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost<br /> <br /> Live, Love, Laugh - ______<br /> <br /> Hope, Love, breathe &lt;3 - Me

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You showed me how
To read and write 
You showed me how
To sleep at night

You showed me how
To dance and sing
You showed me how 
To praise the king

You showed me how
To laugh and smile
You showed me how 
To run a mile

You showed me how
To study and learn
You showed me how 
To swing and turn

You showed me everything 
And now it's my turn
You showed me everything
And I have learned

© Mary Claire J., Wichita Falls, TX

The author's comments:
It came to me when I was looking at someone I loved..
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 27 comments.

Hazel-daisy GOLD said...
on Jan. 2 2011 at 7:47 am
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck<br /> <br /> In three words i can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost<br /> <br /> Live, Love, Laugh - ______<br /> <br /> Hope, Love, breathe &lt;3 - Me

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thanks for commenting!! to praise the king i really wasn't trying to do anything special, i literally meant to praise a king/queen, kind of like you thanking them for showing you how to learn to like the 'leader' of your country..even though where i'm from doesn't have a king or queen...anyway..!! :D thanks again!!
OriginalCarbonation GOLD said...
on Jan. 2 2011 at 1:07 am
OriginalCarbonation GOLD, Naperville, Illinois
11 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
dream as if you&#039;ll live forever<br /> live as if you&#039;ll die tomorrow

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i like the idea of this, so sweet. i am curious though, the phase "praise the king" is that something deeper or is it really just praising he king?

as much as i like the meaning of this poem though, it seems a little superficial in the ways you describe it, even though i sense much more profound details lying just beneath the surface. try writing something similair. begin by just writing a long list as quickly as they come to you, then you have something to work with to rephrase and such. also punctuation? i know personally i am horrible with this, but if you could just put a comma after the first "to" phrase in each staza it might clarify it or organize it just a little bit more. or maybe a semi-colon? but then again, up to you, because in the end poetry is mostly stylaistic.

Kbuschan PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 31 2010 at 9:04 pm
Kbuschan PLATINUM, South Plainfield, New Jersey
25 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fall in love or fall in hate; Get inspired or be depressed; Ace a test or flunk a class; Make babies or make art; Speak the truth or lie and cheat; Dance on tables or sit in the corner; Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Breathe. And enjoy the ride...

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i like it. It makes me feel like a child , rhyming poems are one of my favorite types! good job :)
Leann14 GOLD said...
on Dec. 30 2010 at 5:58 pm
Leann14 GOLD, DeGraff, Ohio
16 articles 4 photos 110 comments
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its quite nice;) I like the simplicity of it...its like a child's voice inside my head as I read this. I love the very last line. Good job!
sweetly_broken GOLD said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 7:18 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

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i like it too! i typically don't like rhyming poems but this one was good! the only thing wa that the way the lines were broken up was a little awkward. i use and appreciate choppy lines, but when i read it i felt like i was taking breaths in unesscesary places. i hope that doesn't sound harsh though because your poem is soo sweet! i would be delighted if someone gave me this poem.
Hazel-daisy GOLD said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 5:12 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck<br /> <br /> In three words i can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost<br /> <br /> Live, Love, Laugh - ______<br /> <br /> Hope, Love, breathe &lt;3 - Me

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Thanks!! i really appreciate the comment!!!
Gettysburg63 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 4:21 pm
Gettysburg63 PLATINUM, Waukesha, Wisconsin
23 articles 1 photo 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired.&quot; -General George S. Patton

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Well, I think this is a good strong poem and I don't see any problems with it. I like how you use the You/To pattern for each stanza.