Yeah, hey. Hi. I'd be America
That country that gave you McDonalds
And Burger King. And Taco Bell
But what I didn't Tell,
What you saw for yourself,
Is that the wonderful and healthy fast food
Really isn't so swell
And those, my friend,
They brought the horrors
The main horror being Jenny Craig
She's a manipulator
She tossed our pride in the toilet
She's a hater.

A lot of our citizens aren't even from here
There are the Mexicans, the Cubans, the French
The African Americans
We all chill with our homeboys, though,
That doesn't change
Some might find that strange
But they're just haters
Like Jenny
And George
And Sarah
But not Farrah
Because it's Michael, Mays, Fawcett,
And we ain't gonna stop it
They weren't haters.

We've all had our happy mistakes
There's Britney.
And Britney.
A happy mistake.
Meaning she was put her for a reason
No matter how stupid she's been.

Overall, our pride is at the bottom of a well
Alongside Lindsay Lohan's career.
But I'm still America
I'm still moving along
Still strong
As ever.
Still fighting
In Iraq, that is
But we'll all be home someday.