1. Find a comfortable spot, preferably on the floor, preferably cushioned by pillows and blankets, preferably alone.

2. Seat yourself cross-legged, hands on your thighs.

3. Concentrate on your breathing.

4. Consider the temperature of the room: Is it too hot? Too cold? Fix the thermostat accordingly and return to the floor.

5. Concentrate on your breathing.

6. Reflect on your seated position. Are you really all that comfortable? Perhaps you would be more relaxed lying on your stomach, or curled in a fetal position. Adjust.

7. Concentrate on your breathing.

8. To be fully relaxed, you must relieve yourself of any nagging anxieties. Did you leave the stove on? Have you unplugged your curling iron? Double-check all potentially hazardous household appliances. Return to the floor.

9. Concentrate on your breathing.

10. If you lit a candle to add to the ambience, make sure that it is in no position that could allow it to accidentally set the curtains on fire, or fall into your pillows.

11. Concentrate on your –

12. Have you spoken to your grandmother recently? She’d love to hear from you. Maybe you should write a note to call her when you’re done meditating.

13. Concentrate –

14. And while you’re at it, don’t forget that that guy you don’t really like but thinks he’s friends with you called again, asking when you two are hanging out. Be sure to think of a clever way of dodging the situation, and give him a call back when you get the chance.

15. Con –

16. Was that your stomach grumbling? You can’t possibly concentrate on anything while you’re hungry. Go make yourself a sandwich. When you’re finished and ready to meditate, revisit step one and try again.