There’s no light along the hallway –
I can’t help holding my breath,
I can’t stop knocking my knuckles on the glass syllabus,
breaking every piece of unruly
staircase to the
basement,
where I didn’t know I’d just fill the ornament of
misery to its occupancy;
I am full of everything confusing and as I
close my eyes against the past and
let water –
fall, somehow noiseless,
I tell myself the truth and how I could never really
say what I mean,
and yes, I’m alone in the guarded death room,
feeling empty because you
could never
mean what you say –
sleep is way too much thinking and
fear is what I’ve got in place of
absent choice
and
no more love
and
every right thing I could do to make you
never return;
I go back in time because forward just came too late, and
I understand, and I
miss being alive, I
swear I do.