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The Girl I See

October 23, 2011
By RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
More by this author
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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I see a girl
She is skinny
She wraps her arms around her flat stomach
As if she were giving herself a hug
Her hair is black
It matches her nails
And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty
But she is sad
You can see it in her face
Hiding under the makeup
She is sad
And she is scared
But you don't know it
Only I can tell
Because the girl I see...
is me

© Tag H., Galesburg, IL

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 25 comments.

RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 15 2011 at 3:20 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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teehee :)
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 1:30 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Not a problem. :)
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 1:28 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Not a problem :)
RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 30 2011 at 9:35 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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ya now even tho ive some of the weight back, i still do that. makes me feel safe i guess :)
wordjunkie BRONZE said...
on Nov. 30 2011 at 7:37 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can&#039;t be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

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Also, the wrapping ur arms around ur stomache? i thought that was just me. Apperently not
swiftheart GOLD said...
on Nov. 30 2011 at 7:34 pm
swiftheart GOLD, Houston, Texas
17 articles 5 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?&quot;

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I luv it. You can try adding more description and try seperating them into stanzas. 

 

RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:04 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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thx jacobius :) that means alot :)
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:01 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Different people like poetry different ways.  Me?  I think it is great, just the way it is.
TheLittleThings SILVER said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 5:52 pm
TheLittleThings SILVER, Bronx, New York
5 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You&#039;re only given a little spark of madness, you mustn&#039;t lose it.&quot; Robin Williams

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i like it but try adding more feelings in the reason why the girl is sad

 

RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:49 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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less description? more description? i think im getting mixed feedback...lol
GretaGibson PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:37 pm
GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
23 articles 4 photos 23 comments
View profile
you could maybe explain what you see behind her eyes, or what her expression seems to be saying maybe :)
Plain-Jane ELITE said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:27 pm
Plain-Jane ELITE, Grandview, Missouri
108 articles 2 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their Shepherd. He will guide them to springs of living water; and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.&quot; Revelation 7:17

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Add more about the girl under the makeup and this will be a great poem! i love the message
artmantist BRONZE said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:51 pm
artmantist BRONZE, Willemstad, Other
3 articles 0 photos 72 comments
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i like ur poem,i think u should have use less description. Nice ending, love it
RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:27 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

View profile
i get what you're saying but what should i do? write a longer poem about the girl? write a story about her? i guess i dont FULLY understand....explain? :)
RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:26 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

View profile
aww thanks pinky :) lol
GretaGibson PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:24 pm
GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
23 articles 4 photos 23 comments
View profile
its a very pretty poem. The ending was fantastic, but i feel it was more of a physical description of someone id like to hear more about :)
pinkowl BRONZE said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:22 pm
pinkowl BRONZE, Tyrone, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
Jeremiah 29:11

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WOW, i love the ending. it is so unexpected! great poem, great discriptions! keep up the great work!
RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:23 am
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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ya i menat to press enter before "the girl is pretty"  :(
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:16 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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This was good, I only have one criticism:

"And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty"

RaveFire PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:04 am
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It.&quot; ~some book that i don&#039;t remember the name of<br /> <br /> &quot;Live Life Like There&#039;s No Yesterday&quot; ~ random billboard<br /> <br /> &quot;If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You&quot; ` ~ Kerli?

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oh hey good idea :) thx bree