You know that feeling you get–
that feeling when you’re alone at a restaurant,
waiting for whoever it is that you’re going to dine with to arrive?

That feeling when you’re sitting alone at a train station
waiting for your train to get there,
or at the airport waiting for a plane?

A bus stop,
in the pouring rain–
rain pouring so hard that you’re the only one whose parents didn’t drive to school?

That’s me.
All the time.
I’m waiting, always.
I’m in this forever state of waiting.

For what?
I don’t know.

But the waiting game is what I play,
day in,
day out,
and I play it alone because that’s not a game that someone can play with you…

Not that anyone would want to…

Because who wants to be alone?
Who sets out to be by themselves, always?
No one does.
No one wants to be alone forever.
No one deserves to be alone forever.
But it happens.

No one wants to wait,
to be in this never-ending state of waiting,
especially when they don’t know what they’re waiting for.

But it happens.

Maybe they knew once what they wanted–
I did–
but then it changed.
What they wanted changed.
What they needed changed.

And then they go back to waiting.
Waiting for something.
Sitting around, waiting for that something to make its presence known.

But until then, you’re just waiting.
Waiting until that one day when you don’t have to wait anymore.
You have what you’re waited for.
You can stand up, finally, after waiting for so long, and say that you’ve found it.

And you won’t need anything else again.

I’m waiting for this day.
The day when I won’t have to wait anymore.
For what, I don’t know.
But when it happens I’ll know.
And the waiting will cease.