please be okay.

and the world tastes like charcoal in my mouth, sawdust and saltwater and the blood on my hands. you always said i was a good writer but the words are useless once your head turns its back on you and all you hear (all you believe) are lies, lies, lies.

it's not right to feel so calm when my hands are trembling. i can feel my own fear pounding in my head and sentences are breaking between my fingers and falling mangled to my feet. letters and commas and i don't know what's happening. i'm choking on my own tongue begging please.

the truth hurts and i didn't want to say it. your breath choked over the phone, voice breaking and hands shaking, claims of lies and everything is okay. but i wouldn't lie to you and you know it. the pain of your words. her voice was never there, she is not real. she once was but never again.

please be okay.