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All the things I never said
I want to say you smell good,
and that the way the light reflects in your eyes makes me feel like I can see you all the way through.
I want to say that you're all I think about,
or at least maybe nintey percent.
I want to say you see me inside out,
that you've picked up everything I lost and brought it back to me,
slowly made me whole again.
I want to say I write for you.
I want to say that number 100 isn't you,
but I would be lying. I want to say I can't lie
but I can.
I want to say the rain will stop and the clouds will lift and the sky won't be hollow,
that the roller coaster will end and I can breathe again.
I want to say my heart won't beat out of my chest
and that I could be something beautiful.
I want to say the lightning doesn't scare me.
There's a world below me but I can't fall
because gravity's a b****,
and I'm balanced on a wire that I'm sure doesn't exist.
I want to put the words together, I want to make things fit,
I want to know the order of the world.
I want to say I love you, but of course I can't
It's up there with mermaids and rainbow swedish fish
and other things I don't know if I believe in.
I want to scream at them and seize the sparkles from their eyes
and tell them I am happier than they will ever be.
I want to dye my hair and pierce my lip
and be loved unconditionally,
all the things they never let me do.
I want to say I told you so,
trust me
I believe in you
You selfish little w****
Marry me.
I want to say you are the first to notice things
I never go through the middle
First to hear my voice
First to make things make sense.
I want to say you make me remember why I believe in love so fiercely.
I want to thank you for the mess we've made
the dragons we fought
the walls we broke through,
because at the end of the day that's all I can do,
because you and I don't really exist.
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