when we met three years ago
you were weird
and I was weird
and we were a perfect match
you were awkward
I was insecure
for the first time I didn't feel like
I had to hide
so there we were
you and I in our world on the outside of the world
ice cream and dinosaurs and spots of saltwater on your shoulder
half and half to make a whole
I only know how to use chopsticks because you taught me
a whole heart, a whole soul, fixed by the parts you filled in
but only half a Heath blizzard because the bites you take are ridiculous
you were a windstorm and I was a fly
you were wild and fierce, and a little intimidating, an ocean of wonder
and you never realize how impossibly beautiful you are,
to quote your words
the first time he broke my heart you were the glue that put me back together
with a touch of glitter thrown in
and you knew
that I fell in love with him over and over again
every day
you knew that he was my light
he would’ve been my other half if you hadn't been there first
the love of my life
you know there are pieces of my heart still refusing to be found
pieces he still has and maybe always will
and I have tried to figure out
why you decided that didn't matter
I have been trying to figure out
with every part of my soul that is yours
how you could have not felt me dying
how you could have not seen that what you did is the worst form of betrayal
the worst thing you could have done
I have to ask
was it worth it?
you took something I cherished and turned it into something ugly and insignificant
I would have loved him every second for the rest of my life
and yet I still have to stand there and look at you
and know that you won’t
love is not what you wanted
and that is what disgusts me
you have ripped out my heart and set it on fire
I have been stabbed one hundred times for every day that I have loved and trusted you
and while I will never hurt you
while I never want you to feel pain, and I hope to God that life is good to you
I want you to drown like I am drowning
I believe that you are sorry
I know that I have taken things from you
just like you have taken things from me
but I will never go this far
I will never humiliate you like I am humiliated by this
I will never watch you drown and push you farther under
until all you see is black and all you feel is crushing cold and your blood turns to ice
until you don’t know whether or not you’re alive
I will never put salt in your wounds
and until now
I thought I could trust you
to do the same.