Fear part one | Teen Ink

Fear part one

November 11, 2013
By Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m a river that no longer flows&quot; - a friend<br /> &quot;when the people lead, leaders follow&quot; - Gandhi


The moon is out, just a midnight stroll
The lack of sleep is taking its toll
Insomnia plagues your nights
Thinking about all your fights

As you walk, your mind is full of thought
Thinking of all the battles you’ve fought
Then something happens, something’s feels out of line
It sends a ghostly chill up your spine
And then you see it, but you’re not sure.

The night suddenly gets eerie cold

The shadows, they just don’t seem right tonight
Somehow they seem to be full of terror and fright
The darkness took on a brand new color, a newer, deeper black
Darkness like no other
And as you stare into the void, you feel something slither down your back.

A bead of sweat claws down your neck.
Fear starts creeping in.
Whatever is hiding in the shadows, you know it’s not human
A demon.
Goblins and ghosts, they all seem pleasant compared to this.
It’s just bad luck when you keep running into your ex.


The author's comments:
Seeing someone that i have lost only brings back all the painful memories. I am scared. It hurts so bad when i see her again.

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This article has 6 comments.


on Jan. 12 2014 at 6:18 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m a river that no longer flows&quot; - a friend<br /> &quot;when the people lead, leaders follow&quot; - Gandhi

thank you, i wrote this a long time ago. i tried writing about fear, but there was one person i couldn't shake out of my head. 

on Jan. 12 2014 at 2:13 pm
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

I really liked this poem and how it moves so fluidly and then screeches to a halt at the end. Great job!

on Jan. 8 2014 at 12:51 am
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m a river that no longer flows&quot; - a friend<br /> &quot;when the people lead, leaders follow&quot; - Gandhi

thank you, and i will try better on my future work. thanks for the advice. only now i actually want to be better at poetry, back then i had all these raw emotions that clouded my mind, but they were extreme non the less and added a spice to my poems. now i can think a little more clearly now, but my emotions are dull now. 

asofnow GOLD said...
on Jan. 7 2014 at 7:49 pm
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

I really liked the imagery of the piece overall. And the beginning caught my attention; it reminds me of a poem by Walter de la Mare. I feel like the overall mood is depressed and a  little confused. So therefore the gramatical structure of it threw me off. I feel like the rhyming is okay because it's a peaceful night. Maybe you could try spacing some lines out and taking out some punctuation marks. That's just my opinion thou. I relaly enjoyed the last stanze thou and the 'surprise' twist. Ovearll, great job.

on Jan. 7 2014 at 4:23 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m a river that no longer flows&quot; - a friend<br /> &quot;when the people lead, leaders follow&quot; - Gandhi

you are absolutely right, the poem does start of slow and even i think its not that great. i have been writing poems for a little while now, and this is part of my earlier work. and not something i am super proud of. and last ly, i didnt notice who i used new twice. thanks for pointing it out. there are lots i can fix in this poem. thanks for the constructive critisism. :) (one of my poem i am proud of is "Sunshine." just pointing it out incase i might still have a chance at getting your approval at being a good poet. 

on Jan. 7 2014 at 12:48 pm
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD, Bay Minette, Alabama
13 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be the change you wish to see in the world.&quot;

I personally am not a fan of rhyming free verse, because free verse isn't supposed to have a reaccuring pattern, but that is personal opinon. I love the last two stanzas and how protray the emotion throughing touch like slither, claws, etc. The first stanza to me doesn't have much of a purpose and maybe you could omit it. That is up to you, but it just starts off a little slow. To add, when you say "a brand new color, a newer, deeper black" you don't need to say new twice. Overall I love the topic. The last two stanzas are really good and I could feel the chill of the night so great job.