I can’t even describe it.

Heart racing
Stumbling, stuttering, giggling.
Heart pounding
Winking, staring, smiling.
Heart wrenching
Screaming, ripping, breaking.

Talking to you,
Wishing I could be prepared
And know exactly what to say.
But I don’t,
I can’t.
And so I stumble, stutter, giggle my way through it

Seeing you
Across the hall, across the room, across the universe.
Gaping, mouth wide-open
At the stunning thing that is you.
Do I wink?
Do I smile?
False. I stare.

Seeing her talking to you
As long as she’s there,
And I’m here,
I don’t know what to do.
Joyful at the idea of you being happy for once.
Terrified at the idea of never having you to myself.
My heart is ripping itself to pieces,
Screaming at the pain of it,
Irreparably breaking.

I guess I tried.