It's been five months.
But I did it again.

Blood rushes from my arm, worse than I've ever done before.
I think this batch will get infected. But I can't stop it.
It's been so long.
And I did it again.
So much worse.
So deep.
It's been bleeding for hours. Constantly.
But I barely feel the pain this time.
I get no relief. Feel no sense of peace.
The scars have gotten so bad. I've done it so many times. Just wanting to feel again.
I can't even do it without retracing the old ones anymore.
It's been five months.
And I've gone and done it again.
I go deeper.
And deeper.
I watch the blood flood from my skin.
Where is the relief?
It's gone.
So I go again
and again
and again
Retracing and reopening
Never finding relief.
It's been so long.
I tell myself I can't do this anymore.
But I do it again.