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My Gates Are Not Open
May 14, 2014
To call something your own gives freedom to the soul
Internally, we have the right to let our thoughts form independently
Now I see what you're doing
Strangling my opinion as your grubby hand shoves yours down my throat
I believe what I believe
Roll your eyes a little further and they'll get stuck
My ideas are forever changing but my gates are not open to your influence
It is today I'm closing my fence and claiming my own righteousness
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Mar. 3 2015 at 1:20 am
I'm a fan of the rebellious writer that you are. Your poems definitely feature an interesting channel of anger but incoporate the emotion in a way that isn't too overpowering. If you elaborated on this piece and maybe extended it with some more breaks, like @Amai-kun said, it could transform into something really amazing.
poetic_ink GOLD said...
on Feb. 21 2015 at 7:08 pm
Great work, I could feel your passion though your imagery.
MysticMusic ELITE said...
on Feb. 21 2015 at 4:03 pm
Great poem, I love the idea of persevering with your own ideas and not letting anyone force their ideas down your throat. That was great imagery. Disturbing, but great imagery. Your mention of independence really got to me, and it was just amazing.
Intriguing poem, really liked it. Metaphors + similes can help poems but I think this one is powerful in its simplicity and the message has, in my opinion, the right amount of detail and emphasis throughout. The only thing I would say is the line 'strangling my opinion as your grubby hand shoves yours down your throat' should be powerful, but instead is a little confusing. Keep writing and improving your work!
I enjoyed it because the idea is very powerful. I would work on making your images just as powerful, you can do that by either, as the previous comment mentioned, working on metaphors and similies or just adding stronger adjectives. The image of the grubby hand came across clearly and powerfully, but the rest of the images weren't projected as well. I would also work on structure giving some phrases lines of their own like, "I believe," and "My ideas" this will help stress the speakers idea of individuality. Hopefully my suggestion are helpful! Overall, very nice poem! :)
Olivia-Atlet ELITE said...
on May. 25 2014 at 10:29 am
LOVE this!!!! XD
Psychedelik said...
on May. 24 2014 at 12:01 pm
This is a very thoughtful poem. I feel like it would be nice to work in some metaphors/similes, but it's very well written overall.
