I think about death a lot I mean I have had a few substantial pains My father being one of them, and my gigi being another So lets just say all I have left in this world Is my mom, Keri. My brother, Tim. He is more of my father then a brother And my non-liked brother Matthew. I call him by his full name I think about death a lot I sit in my bed thinking what life would be like if I had lost one I feel my heart sink into my spine As the room collapses around me

The concrete walls start crumbling My body feels like its being ripped open from the inside out I try to run to the door for help but My legs don’t have the strength that they used to My hands wrapped around my stomach because I never got enough hugs from her My world has caved in I’m in a room of rubble and darkness All light has been expelled My heart is getting faint I hear a whisper of “I have always been proud of you” I think of my mother I hear the scream of “how could this have happened” My body was being pulled from the darkness I felt these big cold hands wrap around my biceps, shaking me “This is just another battle that has been put in front of you, remember only the strongest people survive midst the dark sky” I couldn’t breathe My eyes were swollen shut My body was trying to say Take the pain away I ended up in a hospital cafeteria I don’t know how I got there but I felt this warm feeling on my shoulder I didn’t want to look because I knew it would be a relative I haven’t talked to since I was 12 None of them gave a s*** I mean between the vague wedding innovations and the “god bless your soul cause you’re going to hell" thing I heard the voice of one I did not want to hear. “Alison, my dear” A meaningless hug followed I tried to gulp down some s***ty soup as I ignored everyone consoling me I felt empty I felt as though nothing mattered anymore

I wanted to cry but I knew she would want me to be strong I didn’t know how to portray that I think my tear ducts are broken I… I’m broken I haven’t spoken to a human being in a month now I don’t see the use of it I happened upon a house in the country side of Newfoundland The walls don’t seem like home unless our laughter is in them I haven’t laughed in years now I cant find the bright side of things anymore I mean what do you do with your life When your mentor is gone I ended up sitting on a hill side by myself I know she would want more for me Its been 3 years now I cant seem to produce a smile 4 years I started to write again She hated my writing until she heard it in person I made her cry a few times 5 years I went back home I felt I needed closure on the already burnt scars I came upon my adolescent house It caved in on me once as I did myself