Acoustic Kisses | Teen Ink

Acoustic Kisses

December 24, 2014
By elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.


He would touch me like rock’n’roll.
loud breath
vibrating on my skin
blood pumping through his veins
beat so thumping so loud
his ears were clogged
with notes growing faster
and faster
louder
and louder
hands shaking
veins quaking
hands running on my skin
mine dancing on his
every movement so electric
that I forgot to feel it
songs ringing so loud in my ears
I couldn’t really hear the notes
music running so fast through skin
I couldn’t really feel the rhythm
His electricity jolted my heart
but never really touched it.

and he’d hit that final note with a
gasp of air
and wave of harmony resonating through his body
crashing down beside me
ecstasy pouring from his veins like a hallelujah chorus
while I lay exhausted
recovering
from the shock.

But you,
you kiss me like an acoustic guitar.
chords breaking the silence
with a harmony so pure
even the air holds it’s breath.
you touch me like a piano
fingers running up the scale
pouring the beauty of music
into my ears like honey
until my head is spinning
with the sound of you
notes blending like a dance
a slow, slow dance.



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This article has 5 comments.


on Apr. 30 2015 at 11:29 am
jaygatsbycastillo SILVER, Hemet, California
7 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never let fear decide your future.

I like that it was... awesome I loved it!

on Apr. 26 2015 at 7:12 pm
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.

Wait just kidding! The edits are still pending approval oops :)

Beila BRONZE said...
on Apr. 26 2015 at 5:31 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

Since I knew to look for changes, I definitely noticed that the first stanza is different. From "ears clogged" is largely new for a few lines, right? To be honest, I don't remember this perfectly well from over a month ago, but that awesome rush of emotions and seamless ending has been retained for sure. :) There are a few small errors, though: it's/its, and "every inch of our beings WAS sprinting" since "every" makes it a singular subject.

on Apr. 25 2015 at 2:04 am
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.

Hey @Beila ! I made some edits on this poem from a little while ago. Could you notice a difference? This is definitely one of my favorite pieces :)

Beila BRONZE said...
on Mar. 8 2015 at 7:16 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

This is quality poetry, like for real. :) Your imagery shatters the screen, reaches inside me, shortens my breaths and quickens my heartbeat. I got so caught up in your poem that when it ended, I think I blinked a few times before I realized it was time to wake up. :) I had to read it over a second time to notice the distinction between he and you, but when I did, it was breathtaking. I love the metaphors here; they're flawless. One suggestion, though: To make that triple "I didn't really feel" in the first stanza stand out more strongly and capture the reader more, you could change "that i forgot to feel it" to another "I couldn't really __ the __." Overall, a great job!