Too my best friend,
You and I have know each other my entire life.
You are the only one who knows me for who I truly am inside.
You keep the foul side of me hidden from the world,
after all you are the only one that has seen it.
You remind me how my problems are small compared to the world.
You tell me I am obviously just in the need of attention when I am sad.
Especially when I reach out to be caught by someone elses grace.
Because you are the only support I need.
You keep me in check, before I head to a place of unknown feeling.
When I am feeling good about my assignment that I have spent all of my energy on.
Your voice cautions me to remember that even my best isn’t good enough.
Advising me to not get my hopes up when someone seems to get close to me,
because they often leave.
So you suggest that I leave them before they can leave me.
Because lonely nights feel safer than adventurous ones.
At least thats what you tell me.
Hinting that if I don’t curl up, listen to my sad music, isolate myself, and only expect to be let down,
then I will only be hurt more.
Convincing me that if I were to let the slightest amount of light into my chest,
it will only turn to darkness.
So I keep it shut.
Closed tight and sealed for life.
For there is no hope in the world that could ever save me.
You have told me that many times.
Told me that I am so lost and unworthy of anyones love that I should never expect any.
Because if someone were to ever love me I do not deserve to feel it,
so I must block it out and shove them away.
You explain to me that the only reason people say hello, is because of my appearance.
That people see me as an attractive person, even though you tell me I am not.
So when a girl tries to get close,
trying to understand me,
I often believe they are only there for the physical side of me.
Because it wouldn’t be the first and only time that has happened.
So I shove them away,
Because you were right,
Thats all they ever will want.
But you will never let me be vulnerable again,
Because you know that the risk is not great enough for the pay off.
Please never leave me,
You are so good to me,
Depression.