Run Where the Rivers Run | Teen Ink

Run Where the Rivers Run

April 12, 2015
By elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.


I think I know why people love the ocean.
I think it's because she always leaves the sand
But finds her way back again And she waves with a sad smile
shifting and changing every day
but she's always there when you look back.

 

I'm afraid you're falling in love with her too.

 

The Ocean is like the Nicholas Sparks movies

before he drops the anchor that sinks

your heart to the floor
When your chest vibrates like strings of a guitar
And the salt water of tears dances with its friends Joy and Fulfillment

 

You see,
we can be that for now.
But tears find their way back into the water cycle eventually too
I know
you wish we could just let time sit.
But the last time I saw water sit
she was domesticated.

 

maybe it’s because I’m a Capricorn
but large bodies of water make me shaky inside
I've always loved the rivers though
cause they always have somewhere to run
And for some reason
It's always been hard for me to miss people
Cause I can hold them in that sturdy baggage called my past while I run

and run

and climb raw mountains with bare hands, Adventure

is like candy to me so just understand
I'm not going to forget you
But I cannot sit like salt water forever

 

I love you
And eventually,
I loved you.
So please, wave the wishing goodbye and

kiss me

once more with your eyes closed

Because when you open them
I might have ran where the rivers run:
away.


The author's comments:

a little poem about leaving you for college 


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This article has 5 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on Apr. 21 2015 at 12:08 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

When I log in and go to the "My Work" tab, I have a button under my piece (below where it tells how many people viewed, commented, liked) that says 'Edit.' I don't know if it would repost your work as a new article and drop old comments if you did that, if that's your concern. Either way, Teen Ink is cool because you get to showcase a journey of growth as a writer. The best of the best still have dumb typos in the occasional poem or two :P, so you're in great company! Just keep writing and improving!

on Apr. 21 2015 at 2:42 am
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.

Thank you!! Yeah I shouldn't have capitalized "and" because that just looks like an error...but the run on/awkward break was intentional. I wanted to make the sentence run on to convey a sense of flowing/streaming/liquid emptions and thoughts, as well as call upon the previous imagery of water in general. I might edit this to be even more exaggerated so the intent is more apparent. Thank you so so much for taking the time to read and comment :) I love getting feedback!

on Apr. 21 2015 at 2:34 am
elisenicolle PLATINUM, Redwood City, California
25 articles 8 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
stuck in the suburbs, eyes glued to this screen<br /> wake me up when the world is clean.

Oh my gosh thank you so much :) Haha you are my biggest fan (and confidence boost)! And thank you for the suggestion! I completely agree. I just need to think about it for a while. Do you know if there's a way I can keep my poem up and just make a small edit? Or do I have to resubmit it entirely?

Beila BRONZE said...
on Apr. 21 2015 at 2:20 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

Wow. This poem is so beautiful and heartfelt. You keep the tone perfect, from the first line to the last. I love your metaphors with tears, rivers, oceans, the water cycle... they tie in together really well to form this cohesive allegory of your poem. A couple suggestions: I think the word "happy" in the second stanza is the weakest part of your poem--you have such beautiful imagery elsewhere that this overused word drops the flow a little. Also, watch the it's/its mistake! However, the little errors cannot take away from the meaningful message and lovely refinement of the piece. The eyes closed in the last stanza and the way you end off your poem- breathtaking.

on Apr. 20 2015 at 12:28 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

Beautiful. Wonderful flow, wonderful rhythm, my only suggestion is to fix that tiny little error in the last piece with "So please, wave the wishing goodbye/And kiss". I believe you meant to make that a new line, but if I'm wrong, don't worry about it.