I say I have stage fright
but nonetheless
I find that everyday I act
I act
as though I never felt the pain
of two bowling balls weighing down my lumbar spine
as though I never saw my weight
and my pale skin
as though I never saw the discharge papers
peeking out of our shared desk drawer
I act
as though I love two tiny rooms
in which we have to squeeze into every night
as though I love the mold
that makes me sneeze until the last toilet paper roll
as though I love the windows
that let in the cold air every ice winter
I act
as though everything will be ok
although everyday there’s a tugging in my heart.
as though our family is forever
but I know that an end is inevitable
as though health is not an issue
although I know how much it is
So let me ask.
If everyday I act
I act,
I act,
I act
does that make me an actress?