Dear Mom,
I give you credit for who I become today
I'm just trying to really, truly inhale, exhale
Life's pleasures and beauties, but instead
I’m breathing in and out your burdens,
Like a wave of water destroying my sand castle,
My feet taken away to the oceans
And scientist say, that we understand the universe
More than our own oceans, my feet is the ocean,
Because I’m afraid to understand myself,
Heck, my skin is still having trouble saying, “Home sweet home”
Because you’ve taken away me from me,
It's like I'm an item from a lost and found box
But I, I will never be found, I will always be lost,
And sincerely, I'm hardly keeping it together
Because you taught me that people will eventually leave
And expand like dark matter, Mom, do I matter?
I can't even speak, or look at people in the eyes
Because I'm afraid they will know how broken I am,
Look at me! My eyes are fishing for happiness
But instead, I’m trapped in my own soliloquy of thoughts like
“Who am I?”
“I will never be loved.”
"Will I be enough?"
"Who I trust?"
“Why am I alone?”
But my voice are tossed to the desserts
Because I can’t talk to no one, not even my father
God can only know how much hardship my father has gone through,
Instead, my lips are applied with cement,
Just so I don’t have awkward, or heart breaking discussions that might
Revive pterodactyl emotions,
All I know is that I’m trying to run away from my shadow to the next room
But every door I go into is dark,
And hug the dark with open arms,
Hoping, maybe, I know what is like to be loved,
And I want to be loved,
But I can’t even love someone without my self-esteem going fast down
Into quicksand,
Because I’m afraid I might rewind history, history, history,
History.