I'd rather be sick than show up at the office today.
I'd rather be sneezing or wheezing or coughing away
Than waiting for hours to pass,
Or kissing the boss's fat a**.
I'd much rather breakfast on glass
Than go to the office today!

I'd rather be ill than be sitting where everyone toils.
I'd rather have blisters, bronchitis, bloatation, or boils
Than shudder with dread at the crunch,
And meet with the same tired bunch.
I'd rather have thumbtacks for lunch
Than go to the office today!

I'd rather have measles than sit at a desk with some files.
I'd rather throw up my own liver and wretch on the tiles
Than sit there for hours and list
What I could have done that I've missed.
I'd much rather dine on my fist
Than go to the office today!

I'd rather be dying of cancer than dying of shame.
I'd much rather fall down a staircase or burst into flame.
I'd rather just stay in my bed
With feverish dreams in my head.
I'd frankly prefer to be dead
Than trapped in the office today!