Who is that... | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Thriller/Mystery
  4. Who is that...

Who is that...

April 3, 2010
By _NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
More by this author
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.<br /> <br /> <br /> &ndash;Golly (Harriet The Spy)

View profile

I shook my head and cocked it to the side. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, only to make me feel trapped and sweaty. It was too quiet...

I lifted up my head from over the covers, and I sighed when I stared across my empty bedroom. The walls seemed to be an eerie blue, and my gasps came out in a hushed echo. It was only 9:00 pm. My parents were usually awake watching T.V or just listening to the radio, but this night was different. I could not hear ANYTHING.

Suddenly, I heard a voice that I did not recognize. The door was an inch open, but it was suddenly pushed full open, revealing a long silhouette that creeped on the bedroom door. I gasped and slowly slipped under the covers, trying to be unnoticable. Then, the blurry image seemed to crawl toward me, and I could finally see who this person was.

© Greg K., New Lenox, IL

The author's comments:
This is the intro to a story I am going to write. I just hope you guys like it! I need some comments and ratings please!
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Hidden Secrets
By Anonymous
Fiction
Under the Rug
By Anonymous
Fiction
Murders at Midnight
By Anonymous
Fiction
Footsteps in the Night
By Anonymous
Fiction
The Bridge
By jonathan soto BRONZE
Fairfield, Connecticut
jonathan soto BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
The Case of the Missing Prada Mini
By Anonymous

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 82 comments.

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:11 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

View profile

Thanks.   =)   Personally, I don't think I will continue on this, but I will  post a novella some time soon on my new profile (yes, the one I'm on now). You can check that out once it's posted if you want.

And I'll check your piece out right now.   =))))

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:09 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

View profile
Thanks for the critisism.   =)   This isn't a full piece, just a bit that I wanted feedback on in my writing style or the way I grab suspense. And demon stories are awesome!   XD
HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:07 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

View profile
Thanks!   And I just commented on your piece, I honestly love it!   X)
HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:03 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

View profile
Thanks, you Teeninkers are awesome. I probably won't be posting this story, but this is my new profile, and I will be posting a novella soon. Check it out!   =)
HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:01 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

View profile
Thanks for commenting! By the way, this is just my new account, and in a few months, I will be posting a novella. If you want you can check it out.   =)
emilybwrites SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2011 at 9:24 pm
emilybwrites SILVER, Villa Hills, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
last night i lay in bed, looking up at the stars and i thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

View profile
haters are going to hate but that was uncalled for! this was fantastic and had me on the edge of my chair. in the future, if you are going to write comments like that, please do us all a favor and don't.
emilybwrites SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2011 at 9:22 pm
emilybwrites SILVER, Villa Hills, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
last night i lay in bed, looking up at the stars and i thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

View profile
what a cliffhanger! please promise me you will write more on this subject because i want to know who it is!! please check out my peom "Forgotten Domain" and some of my other work and comment it would mean a lot!!!
4everyoung15 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 11:04 am
4everyoung15 BRONZE, Moreno Valley, California
3 articles 2 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When life knocks you down on your knees, just remember you are in the perfect position for praying&quot;- Unknown

View profile

I like the way you create suspense, and I think what would help is if you would add a bit more or make a sequal and explain things like why the gohst is there or why it came to the main character. I personally would make the "figure" a demon coming to posses a soul. >XD ..... but that's just me

 

Kafyra PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 1:46 pm
Kafyra PLATINUM, San Ramon, California
32 articles 0 photos 12 comments
View profile
I understand that you dislike the grammar, but maybe it would be more helpful do describe which particular sentences weren't correct and how to fix them. That way, the writer could actually improve thanks to your comment. Also, just because you dislike a certain person's writing does not mean that you should call the writer stupid. This writing is a good deal better than most of mine.
Vanda GOLD said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 7:03 pm
Vanda GOLD, Hemt, California
11 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well when saying good-bye its usaully, &quot;See you in the after life,&quot; but my favorite quote is, &quot;Bazinga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&quot;

View profile
Loved it you had me hooked from the first three words. You really need to keep going. Oh and I read some of the comments, looks like your having trouble with who the ghost is. (Hey maybe I can help when I get some ideas). Oh and do you think you could read some of my articles? It's called My Horriod Past.
Soccerball123 said...
on Mar. 15 2011 at 9:29 am
Soccerball123, Englewood, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love cats!

View profile

This story is amazing ccan wait to read more.

 

PJD17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 11 2011 at 5:54 pm
PJD17 SILVER, Belleville, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 624 comments

Favorite Quote:
I do the best imatation of myself- Ben Folds

View profile
The story was interesting.  i would like to read the rest of it when it is done.  Id appreciate it if you could read my artical  its called Claire Waits
StayClassy1 SILVER said...
on Feb. 17 2011 at 4:20 pm
StayClassy1 SILVER, Stockton, California
5 articles 1 photo 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Buy me food so i know it&#039;s real&quot;

View profile
wow! Really good, keep writing!!!
singinginthegardn GOLD said...
on Jan. 26 2011 at 5:56 pm
singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.&quot; ~Ana&iuml;s Nin

View profile
GRR!! Write some more, honey!? I will be waiting..<3 way to goooooo! Check out my stories maybe?? GRACIAS! :)
_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Dec. 14 2010 at 6:31 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.<br /> <br /> <br /> &ndash;Golly (Harriet The Spy)

View profile
Well, I'm not stuck. I have just been busy lately. I guess I should leave it a cliffhanger. I just don't have time to push beside with all my homework.   =(   Ah well, I'm glad eveyone wants to read the whole story. =)
whateverjuliet BRONZE said...
on Dec. 13 2010 at 7:41 pm
whateverjuliet BRONZE, Miami, Florida
3 articles 3 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
true love never dies,it only gets stronger with time.

View profile
very nice, u kept me hanging, ill definetly follow your story!
Jakethesnake BRONZE said...
on Nov. 21 2010 at 7:58 pm
Jakethesnake BRONZE, Hernando, Mississippi
1 article 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Read, Read... Read everything, then write.&quot;-William Faulkner

View profile
You still stuck?
_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Oct. 30 2010 at 10:27 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.<br /> <br /> <br /> &ndash;Golly (Harriet The Spy)

View profile
I'm not sure. I'm stuck. Thanks for the comment!   X)
vampiresrock GOLD said...
on Oct. 26 2010 at 10:33 am
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

View profile
WRITE MORE NOW!!!!!!!!!! i can't wait for more!
_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 3:19 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.<br /> <br /> <br /> &ndash;Golly (Harriet The Spy)

View profile
I'm glad you're enthusiastic. Thanks for the comment.   =)